At one of my earlier jobs, there was a partner, “Joe”, that believed that there should be clearly defined job descriptions for everyone for purposes of accountability. There was another partner, “Eddy”, who could care less about job descriptions. “Eddy” was quite a character actually. After he became a partner, “Eddy” decided that he should only work 2 hours of the work day. For the remaining hours, he would socialize with his secretary, “Betty.” I should let you know that Eddy was going through a divorce due to this socializing with “Betty.” Of course, when “Joe” was in the office, “Eddy” would attempt to get some work done. Now, “Joe” normally didn’t come into the office until late in the afternoon maybe once or twice a week. He was one of those attorneys nearing retirement that start pursuing other interests outside law.

Anyway, one morning, “Eddy” decided to lock himself in his office with “Betty” for some socializing. Even though she had a boyfriend, “Betty” was a willing participant and enjoyed the perks of being able to take as many vacation or sick days or long lunches as possible. There were a couple of clients in the sitting area waiting to be seen. Unfortunately, my desk was in plain view of the clients and also positioned close to the partner’s door. The receptionist was on an errand so I was the only employee in the area at the time. We could all hear the moans, groans, sighs, bumps, and what-have-you from all the socializing that was going on in “Eddy’s” office. I tried to shuffle papers and type as loudly as possible just to cause a distraction, but I knew the clients heard what was happening. Some of them were giggling at first, but as the socializing became more rhythmic and laced with f-bombs and s-bombs, things got really tense. I didn’t think I could get more embarrassed until “Joe” walked into the office.

After a few seconds, “Joe” marched over to “Eddy’s” door and knocked. “Eddy” must have thought it was an employee because he barked out that he didn’t want to be disturbed. “Joe” then went to his office and apparently called “Eddy.” Unfortunately, “Joe” is a little tone-deaf so we weren’t spared the details of the conversation. “Joe” kept repeating that it was not in “Betty’s” job description to service “Eddy,” while “Eddy” tried to joke that it should be. Now, I have no idea why “Eddy” wasn’t fired this day, but he was allowed to keep his job. I’m thinking that maybe “Betty” got a new job description because this was not the end of their socializing during business hours.

As my law school graduation approached, I was not one of the fortunate few that had a reserved legal gig.  So, I spent some time sending out resumes and I pretty much accepted the first job that I was offered.  At the time, I was more concerned about paying rent than anything else.  I always knew that I didn’t want to work for someone else my entire legal career.  So, I figured it didn’t matter where I worked as long as I was gaining valuable experience.  Boy, I was so wrong.

My dirty radar was going off on the day of my interview, but I ignored it.  Big mistake.  The interview was for a position at a plaintiff’s personal injury firm.  It was a small-sized firm with two partners, three associates, and legal staff of ten.  I, of course, dressed for the occasion - business pants suit, cute heels, and tote in hand.  You know, the usual uniform that we put on when we have an interview so that someone takes us seriously.  Well, as soon as I walked through the double doors, I realized I was overdressed.  Severely overdressed.  I was greeted by a group of women surrounding the receptionist’s desk sipping on diet beverages and looking like they were waiting to offer lap dances.  I looked at the sign on the wall to make sure that I was at the right place.  Now, the dirty radar is starting to chime but I ignore it.  Perhaps, these women don’t work here and they’re just visiting someone else I reason to myself.

So, I proceed to the desk and tell the receptionist that I have a 5:00 appointment with Mr. Partner (name changed).  The receptionist then responded, “He ain’t here, but you can have a seat until he comes.” Did she just say “ain’t”?  Anyway, as I sat there, I got a chance to look at the group of women again.  It turns out that all of the women worked there.  They were all white women and seemed to be in their mid-thirties.  I’m not sure what the occasion was, but they all decided to wear sweaters, mini-skirts and stiletto boots to work that day.  The hair and makeup would have been fine, if they were competing in a beauty pageant.  There was another lady seated in the waiting room, who seemed just as confused as I was.

Finally, Mr. Partner walks in around 5:30.  Crap.  It’s that attorney that has those corny tv ads.  He strolls in and the receptionist yells at him for keeping the other lady waiting for over an hour.  Then, she informs him that his 5:00 appointment is also waiting.   He strolls over to us and introduces himself and throws us some compliments about being pleased to have two beautiful women waiting for him.  Let me mention here that my dirty radar is ringing so loud that I fear it might malfunction, but I still ignore it.  Anyway, he takes the other lady into a conference room and I’m left there to wait for another forty-five minutes.   As I’m sitting there, I try to remember what it was that one of my professors said about attorneys that used tv to advertise their services.  I couldn’t remember the exact statement, but I knew it had to do with them being a shady bunch of dirty attorneys.  Crap.

Finally, Mr. Partner comes to collect me.  At this point, I don’t care if I get the job or not.  All I can think about is how much my parking garage fee is going to be.  Mr. Partner didn’t ask me the typical interview questions that I was expecting.  He wanted to know whether I was single, if i liked traveling, if I lived by myself, and if I was really 24 years old.  I answered yes to all of his questions.  He said he only asked about my age because I looked pretty young and he’s had problems before with underaged persons.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  Then, he glanced at my resume and said he was already impressed and just wanted to know when I could start.  Huh?  This was weird.  Didn’t he want to know anything about me, my skills, my goals, and how I can be an asset to his firm?  I told him I could start immediately and he said he would see me in the morning.  He started to stand up, but I had so many unanswered questions, like how much does this position pay, what’s my duties, and what are the hours.  He told me to show up at 8:30 the next day, but that he and his partner hadn’t “officially” decided on how much the position would pay as yet and would let me know definitely before the end of the week.  Then, he mentioned that the dress code was supposed to be business casual but the ladies don’t like to adhere to it.  Yeah, buddy, they really don’t.  He said that maybe if the ladies saw me wearing business casual attire, they would follow suit.  He said that he cut them slack because they were so young and since I was a little older maybe they would look up to me.   O….K…..  There was no way that any of those women were in their twenties, unless they had lived very hard lives.

As I walked to my car, I felt kind of numb, sort of zombie-fied (yeah, I made that word up, but it fits for what I experienced so give me a break).  I never had an interview like that before, especially not at a law firm.   Post a comment below and let me know if you’ve had similar experiences.

Welcome to Dirty LAWndry.com, your site for juicy legal gossip and tidbits. This blog was created for every person working in the legal industry or considering this field of work. We all have stories about the people we interact with on a daily basis. Some stories are funny, while others are just downright dirty. Well, now it’s time to air them out. All names will be changed in the posts for obvious reasons. But, you know who you are, dirty boys and girls! Check back often for updates and feel free to leave your comments (try to keep it PG-13 if you can).

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