Why is it that partners in smaller firms feel the need to bring their mothers to work for the sole purpose of terrorizing the office staff?  At my first job out of law school, the partner’s mother “worked” at the firm.  I didn’t know exactly what her job description was.  She had her own office, but she wasn’t an attorney.  She didn’t interact with clients, answer phones or file any paperwork.  She basically walked around the office scowling at everyone, except her “one and only baby boy. “  I noticed how everyone stayed out of her way and chose not to interact with her.  I thought maybe they were intimidated by her leopard print leggings with matching heels and matching fur courts.  Or, maybe it was the fact that she looked like Mr. Burns’ (think Simpsons cartoon) twin sister.  Anyway, one day I had the misfortune of finding out the real reason.

Normally, the file clerk handles the mail.  Our boss was on the cheap side, so sometimes he would make the clerk hand deliver the mail if it were in a twenty block radius from the firm in order to save on postage.  But, one evening after the clerk left, there were some documents that needed to be sent to opposing counsel overnight.  I knew that the clerk was not coming in for the rest of the week.  And I certainly wasn’t going to hike to opposing counsel’s office, especially when the only reason this package was being sent so late was because of the partner’s strategy of holding on to production documents until a motion for sanctions has been filed.  When I told the partner about the situation, he asked if I wanted to meet opposing counsel in person by hand delivering the package.   After a moment of me looking at him like he had lost his damn mind, he said I could send the package overnight using the Fed Ex office pick-up feature.  You mean to tell me that all this time this freaking bastard was paying for this service and still had our poor file clerk hiking throughout the city, even when she was pregnant.

About three weeks later, I was approached by the partner’s mother, who was furious with me for using the pick-up feature.  Apparently, she was in charge of making sure that the file clerk was “earning her keep” by keeping track of the mailing labels and making sure that the file clerk was hand-delivering those items that were less than twenty blocks away.  People, I am not kidding.  This woman went on an on about my having the “audacity” to spend her “baby boy’s money” in such a “frivolous manner” and how she “always knew that a female attorney would bring problems.”   She was actually screaming at the top of her lungs.  Finally, she finished by warning me that the next time this happens it would come out of my paycheck.

I’m going to sum this up by giving a message to all those partners, who keep bringing mommy dearest to work.  If you don’t want your mother to get cursed out or disrespected in any way, it is best to leave her at home and keep her away from underpaid and disgruntled employees.