DirtyLAWndry decided to take a break from her regular posts and pay her respects to one of the greatest entertainers, musical genius, and style icon (see my fashion tribute to MJ) - Michael Jackson. I still remember cursing under my breath cleaning my mother’s records, but then smiling when I came across one of Michael’s album covers. This was my favorite one:

Now, be honest,how many of you were hip-thrusting, crotch-grabbing, and moon walking while watching these videos? Don’t worry…you weren’t alone.

I was asked to speak at a law camp for high school students who are considering the field of law as a career choice. There were other attorneys from the area who were also invited to speak. Everything was going well with each attorney talking about their individual practices and just giving basic tips about being a lawyer and attending college and law school. But, then this one attorney decides to just talk about the doom and gloom of the legal profession as a result of this economy. He basically told the kids not to become lawyers. His exact words: “You can do what you like, but if you want to be able to afford life, then becoming an attorney will not help you to do so.” He then went on to quote statistics about the number of lawyers compared to available jobs and things of that nature. Now, I understand about wanting to warn children about the difficulties that may occur in choosing to practice law. However, I don’t agree with discouraging people from living their dreams, especially impressionable children. There is a time and a place for everything, and this certainly was not the place to rant about the recession and its effects on the legal profession. Do you agree?

Small Business Grants

Dirty LAWndry reader, “Jake”, learned a secret about his co-worker that he wished she had kept to herself.

“I’m still doing document review at this crapshack. For some reason the other attorneys think that we’re actually here to make friends. My focus is on collecting a paycheck. So, I don’t wish to share anything personal with these people. It’s not that I’m anti-social or anything, but I’m not about to reveal my deepest secrets with a bunch of strangers that I’m only going to work with for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t share my sentiment.

There’s a married woman here that just revealed to everyone that she’s cheating on her husband and that she’s a prostitute. Well, to be honest, she didn’t use those words exactly. This all came about because she was happy that her picture was selected to be featured on a website called the Lonely Cheating Wife. First, she made it seem like she was a model that submitted her photo. (Trust me, this lady is no model.) But, then she admitted that she was a member of this site. So to anyone with an ounce of sense that meant she was cheating on her husband. Especially when the fine print on the site says it is the “number one site to find discreet encounters with horny housewives in your area looking for a date.” When I pointed that out to her, she tried denying it by saying that she never had “intercourse” with anyone other than her husband. But, we could tell she was lying. Then, she starts bragging about how she gets gifts and money from these guys that she’s “dating”, which to us means prostitution. So, now she’s upset that everyone thinks she’s a cheater and a prostitute. What else are we supposed to think? She’s acting as if we were supposed to be supportive of her.”

If you have a story you’d like to share on DirtyLAWndry, please submit it to blog@dirtyLAWndry.com.

For the past couple of weeks, I had the pleasure of working as co-counsel with a group of bastards seasoned attorneys. Most of these attorneys are in their late 70s and filled to the brim with legal knowledge. Unfortunately, they’re also filled to the brim with hatred, intolerance, and just total disrespect of everyone. Apparently, they are offended by the fact that the President of the United States of America is not a white man and that women have access to memberships in their country clubs. Perhaps, if these two retired, they would have more time to ponder their hateful thoughts … hopefully, far away from civilized people.

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Dirty LAWndry reader, “Dionne”, just happens to have a front-row seat at an unfolding drama in her office.

“My boss is the biggest slut ever. He’s married and messing around with two employees here. The first woman, “Pat”, is young enough to be his daughter and she’s been employed here for a couple years now as a staff attorney. The second woman, “Grace”, just started working here a few weeks ago as an associate. Everyone pretty much knows that “Pat” and my boss are together. They leave every day exactly five minutes apart, but you’ll see them in the lobby waiting for one another. And there have been quite a few times in the morning where they show up to work (again five minutes apart) wearing the same clothes that they had on the day before. Well, since “Grace” started working here, she’s been spending a lot of time behind closed doors in my boss’ office. No one suspected anything. We figured that maybe they’re working on a project together.

Well, today, while “Grace” and my boss were in his office with the door shut, “Pat” just stormed in there without knocking and slammed the door shut behind her. There was a lot of yelling going on and I couldn’t hear everything clearly, but I know that “Pat” kept ending her questions over and over again with the phrase “AND YOU’RE SLEEPING WITH HER?” I could hear a little commotion going on in there. Suddenly, “Grace” came flying out of the office and looked extremely embarrassed and scared. Then, shortly after that, my boss came out and went in to the conference room. Every couple of minutes, he kept sticking his head out as if he was looking for someone.

About thirty minutes later, “Pat” finally comes out of his office looking angry and starts walking around the floor aimlessly. It looks like she was looking for my boss. After she walked past the conference room, my boss snuck out and went back into his office. It was one of the most unprofessional things I’ve ever seen, but it made my day go by a little faster.”

If you have a story you’d like to submit to DirtyLAWndry, please email it to blog@dirtyLAWndry.com!

The System That Generated $242,844 in 5 Months

Miami-Dade County prosecutor David Ranck was suspended without pay Monday after he was accused of punching a tardy pizza delivery woman trying to deliver a pie to his Miami Beach condo. According to Miami Beach police, officers on Saturday found Ranck standing next to the car of pizza woman Yudisceus Rodriguez de Armas, who was locked inside “shaking and in tears.” He was charged with misdemeanor battery and signed papers promising to appear in court. For the full details of this story, visit Miamiherald.com.

The New Jersey Supreme Court on Tuesday disciplined a lawyer who allegedly told an opposing party, “I’m going to cut you up into bits and pieces, put you into a box and send you to India and your parents won’t recognize you.” In reprimanding Maplewood solo Joel Ziegler, a lawyer since 1966, the Court said he violated rules requiring courtesy to participants in the legal process and prohibiting conduct detrimental to the administration of justice. You can read the details of this story at Law.com.